Motorcycles: Never Satisfied Again

Ah motorcycling used to be so easy.
Note: none of the images linked herein are of my own bikes. One of these days, I'll upload those and link to them.

When I was a kid, I loved Suzuki’s so that’s what I rode, no problem, no question.
Then, in ’82 a buddy let me ride his Harley and I just fell in love with them. Sold the Suzuki GT 750 I had (yes, as a matter of fact, I do regret selling that bike) and bought a used ’75 Super Glide. I later had a ‘73 Sportster and an ’89 Sport Glide. No decisions to make except what model Harley to ride.

Times got tough and I had to sell my Harley. Years later, my wife said “time for another bike” and we bought an ’82 Honda Magna.

Well, now my biking life is complicated and pretty unhappy. Bottom line is that unless I win a big fat lottery, I’m never going to be satisfied. The reason is that I love this bike, but don’t have the time to work on it, can’t afford a new bike, don’t like most of the new bikes anyway, and won’t be satisfied with a Harley either.

Follow this stupid, tortured path:

Even though it’s a Honda, the Magna is 26 years old at the time of this writing, and the previous owner didn’t take too good care of her either, so believe me she requires a lot of work to keep running. Now with something simple, like a Harley, that wouldn’t be too big of a deal. But this thing is a V4, double overhead cam, water cooled, 4 carburetor, freakin’ nightmare. Almost every component on this bike is buried under something. The clearances between parts are tighter than a homophobe’s butt cheeks in prison. Bottom line is that the simplest, most basic repair or maintenance, other than oil changes and tire pressure checks, is a long torturous project. I can tell you for a fact that it takes longer for me to replace the choke and throttle cables on this thing than it does to completely remove and reinstall a Harley carburetor and cables. I have lost countless days of riding due to this.

OK so why not have a shop do the work? Well for one thing I can’t afford it. For another, most motorcycle mechanics don’t know anything about these bikes and are just as likely to screw them up as fix them. That includes Honda certified mechanics. So, without that lottery win, I’m on my own.

“Hey jackass” you say, “why keep fighting with such a pain in the neck bike? Why not buy something else that doesn’t eat your time?” Well, yeah, God knows there are all sorts of affordable used bikes that would require less work and / or be much easier to work on. But I don’t care for any of them, so I won’t be satisfied. I do think a BMW 900 would do the trick, but I’m not sure.

Harleys? Ah, I do still love those things, and I do wish I had one, but they are horribly overpriced and underperforming. I don’t think I’d be satisfied. Perhaps I should try to take one for a test ride to find out. But I still really couldn’t afford it anyway.

The thing with this Magna, the thing that keeps me fighting, is that absolutely no motorcycle manufacturer in the world makes a bike like it anymore. I’m not kidding nor exaggerating. The closest thing to it is the Yamaha VMax, and those are not as comfortable, don’t generally handle as well and are just as complicated.

The early Magna’s like mine (officially she’s my wife’s bike, that’s another story), have the most perfect balance of power, handling and comfort of any small (750cc) cruiser bike ever made. No bull. This thing is light and nimble at slow speeds, yet perfectly stable and smooth at high speeds. The ride is very comfortable for such a small bike, yet she has ample ground clearance and would go around corners very well were the shocks and fork springs not trashed. I can push her around the garage and driveway with no trouble, yet she can carry around my fat ass and one of my kids without complaint. She will flat blow away any unmodified Harley except a V-Rod (my opinion of those is yet another story), yet will get over 40mpg if not ridden maniacally. The power delivery of this engine is fascinating to me. She pulls fairly strong right off idle, then gets pretty lively once over 3,000 rpm, and then very suddenly at 7,000 rpm it’s as if an afterburner kicks in and she pulls my arms back right up to redline at around 10,000 rpm. It’s a rush that only a Magna or a sportbike can deliver. The V65 (1,000cc) Magna is even more powerful, but that’s more than I need.

The reason that there are no cruisers like this any longer is that the Jap bike manufacturers have decided to go completely over to V-twins like a Harley. It’s basic economics, I can’t blame them. Most everybody who’s into cruisers wants a Harley or something like it, so imitating Harley is where the sales and money are. I personally couldn’t give a rat’s patoot about the Harley “mystique,” and really, most people buy Harleys as faux penis enlargers (look at me, I’m sooooo tough, I’m soooo cool). But once again, I will say I do love the look, sound, and feel of a Harley. But even if I could afford it, I find it so difficult to pay so much money for something that performs so poorly and is of such low quality. Yes folks, Harley quality sucks, has since AMF bought them in the early 70’s, and still does now that they are independent, and always will.

And yet.

Every time I have to do any work on the Magna, I cringe. I hate it, and I will be missing a lot of good riding days this year too. The torture never stops. My oldest daughter has suggested that I buy an old Sportster that needs fixing up and then we can work on it together and it would be her first bike. I love that idea and a Sportster is a good first bike, believe it or not. Yeah, but when can I work on her Sporty (short for Sportster), when I have to sink time into the Magna? Also, I can tell you that I missed more riding with the ‘89 Harley than any other bike I’ve ever owned. That pig broke down just pushing it out the garage. I finally got it running right and not breaking down just the year I sold it. On the other hand, my ’75 almost never gave me any trouble, year after year, mile after mile. Go figure.

Well, there you are. I have a bike that I hate to love, new bikes suck (oh yeah, I can’t fit a sportbike), most old bikes aren’t too interesting, and Harley’s are wicked expensive and slow. Actually I think my family would prefer that I get a slow bike, but I aint asking them.

I don’t think I’ll ever be fully satisfied again.