Regarding Newtown I

I live a few towns over from there, and I have friends with children in the school, so it hits close to home.

The subject. No need to click the link if you know about it.

http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2012/12/newtown-connecticut-school-shooting/59999/

The first post I will make about this concerns some general information on Asperger's Syndrome (AS), which afflicted Adam Lanza. You have most likely seen the story by the woman who has a very violent child with this sort of affliction. I will link to that at the end.
Here however, is a quotation from a friend (personal info withheld), who has a child with AS, but not so violent. It is moving, and enlightening, and more people need to see it.

In parenting a child with AS, I've learned an awful lot about the condition. I've made a lot of mistakes, too. Let's assume that these reports about Adam having AS are true. People will be quick to blame bad parenting, poor morality, video games, or whatever. I will no be so quick as to make that judgement.

A little bit about AS; it is an autistic spectrum disorder. Because most people who have it appear relatively normal and can function in society (to a point), it is often brushed off and just viewed as a "quirk". People living with AS are also, typically, very bright, with many testing at advanced scholastic levels that can border on "genius". Because they learn facts and figures quickly and appear exceedingly bright, many people don't think much further as far as how their mind functions in other areas. And Aspergians, unlike many other forms of autism, are amazingly observant of others and conscious of their difference from them. As they grow, they often develop their own coping mechanisms and try to do what they can to model after their peers, but often with poor results because in many ways they cannot understand some of the concepts that come to others naturally. Where Aspergians struggle the most is in social interactions with others and in controlling their anxiety, which can build to unimaginable levels over things that, to you or me, may seem inconsequential or minor. Their perception of the world is very unusual, and my experience is that Aspergians can be quite paranoid and may react very unusually to others when they feel threatened, whether that threat is real or not. In many cases, the threat they are dealing with is rooted mostly in their own perception of an event or person. When their anxiety has peaked, they enter an extreme "flight or fight" mode, and the reactions or actions of the Aspergian can take either form; extreme isolationist behavior and internalization or acting out, sometimes in a virtually uncontrollable manner. This may continue for minutes, hours, or in some cases longer (maybe even days). The only thing I can equate it to is saying this; think about a time in your life when you've been more scared, worried, or afraid than you thought you could imagine, remember the confusion you felt, how choices were difficult, and how you didn't know what to do, often reacting how your first instinct told you to. Someone with AS may go through this on a regular basis. An additional component common to many Aspergians is that they have difficulty with empathy. It's not a natural emotion that many have, and in some cases they struggle with abstract concepts like "right and wrong" (they see them as abstract because they are conceptual). This is where the teaching begins, but sometimes it simply has to be taught to them in the simple terms of what's legal and illegal. Firm rules are something they can understand, actually they like them the most in daily living, but when the anxiety peaks, all cards are off the table.

Because Aspergians are so bright and so aware of themselves, as they grow they will often figure out a way to mask their anxiety to most people, but it's still there and will erupt at a time or in a place that they feel most comfortable. That's why you hear things like "He seems a little strange, but overall he is quiet, doesn't say much, seems like a nice person. Never would have imagined that about him."

One of the biggest issues with AS is that because it is primarily a social disorder, there are very poor treatment programs or access to help for those who either live with it or parent a child who has it. And, to make matters worse, the current DSM-V has eliminated the diagnosis and replaced it with "High Functioning Austim Spectrum Disorder", and in some cases people will be diagnosed with PDD-NOS. Counselors don't know what to do. Public school teachers have little or no training. Doctors simply push anxiety medications. Mental health facilities put them in outpatient programs where they are seen maybe once a week for an hour, maybe once a month. Educationally, they may have a very hard time in the standard school setting but due to the education laws regarding inclusion, they don't have a choice but to accept these students into the student body while struggling to develop proper IEP plans. There are specialized schools for people with AS, but around here tuition will run anywhere from $30K-50K per year. If you can pay for it, you can have it, otherwise you are at the mercy of your public school to either choose to send the child there, or be told they have to because they are incompetent. Insurances dictate which clinicians you can visit, as well as whether or not visits are paid for. As a parent, you are left with many question, few answers, and a lot of struggles. Then, when they do reach adulthood, you have to hope that everything you taught them will provide a good framework for them to structure their lives and be successful. I suppose this is no different from any child.

When you have an AS child, a common theme (that you are told by social workers and counselors), is that one of your best avenues to follow in life to help your child get treatment is to hope they commit a crime and are imprisoned. The prison system has the resources to provide more extensive mental health treatment than is available to the public (unless, of course, you have a big fat checkbook).

So, knowing this, I can imagine and put a sort of "storyboard" to the hours or days leading up to this horrible, tragic event. At least what, in my mind, makes sense.

If it is indeed true that the young man was living with AS, and it contributed to his decision to commit this crime, this is not a gun control issue. It's a mental health issue and a tragic example of how our educational and medical system failed 20 children and 10 adults (including the Lanzas).

In addition to those lost at the school, my heart also breaks for Adam Lanza's mother who was eventually murdered by her own child. A child she was likely unable to help. And of course, for Adam Lanza who, in some way, felt so tortured, anxious, and "broken" that in his mind this decision made some shred of sense, enough sense that it went beyond a thought and became an action.

Note that in the last few paragraphs, our mental health and school systems are not equipped to help this man's child. Just so with Adam Lanza, and most all children with AS.

I Am Adam Lanza's Mother

In future posts, I am going to link to issues of gun control. I offer few if any words of my own, as I so often find that the articles I link to or passages I quote are far more eloquent than I am.

I post all of this, now and in future, only in the hope that I can put together something calm and reasoned, giving some information or hope in this tragedy.